If anyone is actually keeping track of these blogs, you might have noticed that it has been a week since I posted anything. And let me tell you, it's been quite a week. I have been riding on an emotional roller coaster. Not fun. Stress, depression, anxiety, even some joy. It's been crazy.
I have been tired. Physically and mentally. My car officially stopped being functional. I almost rolled right out into traffic because there were absolutely no brakes. That was exciting. I ended up missing 2 important appointments because of this. The brakes have been shit for weeks now, and well, nothing was done about it, so it was completely expected for them to stop working altogether one day. But, still. It put a definite dent in my week.
I also had a ton of stress leading up to an appointment the kids and I had on Wednesday. Stress, anxiety, and everything else associated with those feelings. Haha. I was glad to have it done with, but the day itself was quite exhausting.
Along with great moments, like Joseph getting 1st place in his first track meet in the 400. He also ran the 200 for the first time, and did amazing. Ended up with a 2nd place finish. He is also part of the 4x1 team, and they came in 2nd as well, after falling behind in the beginning. It was a great day for Joseph and the MA track team.
I have been questioning a lot about my life this past week. My relationship. My parenting. My past decisions. My current living situation. Maybe it was just all the stress of different events that have been happening around here. Maybe it was my way of giving myself a wake up call. I don't know yet. I do know that I have been unbearable to be around. Heck, I can't even stand myself most days.
As far as my Insanity adventure goes, I haven't done anything since Tuesday. Sunday was the "rest" day. Monday was supposed to be the fit test. I ended up doing that on Tuesday instead, and had it all planned out how I was going to make up for the missed day. Well, I ended up not making anything up. Maybe I will start back up again Monday. I don't know yet. Maybe Insanity was too big of an adventure for me to take on. I did lose 10 pounds. I have still been watching what I eat and what not. Just, not doing the workouts.
So, this whole idea was a huge fail for me. It started out great and ended in a big flop. Hopefully I get out of this funk and back into the state of mind I need to be in.
Thanks for reading. Keep me in mind and check back for updates.
April 7, 2012
March 31, 2012
Day 13. Epic fail #3!!
Let me just start by saying today was complete bullshit. Pardon my french.
This was the fist time Pure Cardio was combined with Cardio Abs. I watched the Cardio Abs video this morning to see what I was getting into. Shaun T. and his clones make it look so friggin easy. *sigh*
First I did the Pure Cardio, which, I struggle with every time. Last time I did this one, I pushed myself to get through the entire routine. So when I started it today, I already had high expectations. I think I struggled worse today then ever. My body just did not want to work with me. Everything just felt heavy. I did make it through the whole routine again, but I think I may have had more breaks, and it sure felt like I was moving in slow motion. I still got a good work out. My heart was pumping and I was sweating. It just didn't feel as good at the end this time.
Then, I took a small 10 minute break before going into the Cardio Abs routine. The warm up to this routine is crazy enough!! And I already felt pretty spent from the other workout. I pushed though and did as much of the warm up as I could. Then you get into a "C position" where you sit on the floor, knees slightly bent, and back leaned back slightly, so you look like you make a "C". You stay in this position though a number of different moves. Let me tell you, I could barely hold the position, let alone do the moves. I have absolutely no ab muscles at all. I knew this going into this routine, but didn't realize just how horribly weak I was. I only managed to get a handful of each move done.
After that, you get into high plank and low plank positions. I was able to do the high plank, kind of. If I wasn't already exhausted, I might have been able to push though better then I did. Now, low plank position, I am completely useless. I could barely hold the position, let alone lift my knee up to my side. *sigh*
So, today was another fail for me. It's pretty discouraging. Even though I expected it, it's still disappointing. I have so much work to do. One side of me keeps saying to just quit. It's going to take way more then what I am capable of to see any results. I am too far gone, and should just except things for the way they are. Another very small side of me says I have to keep going. I will never get any healthier sitting around doing nothing. I keep thinking about my kids. I want to be a part of their future, and in order for that to happen, I need to change my present.
This was the fist time Pure Cardio was combined with Cardio Abs. I watched the Cardio Abs video this morning to see what I was getting into. Shaun T. and his clones make it look so friggin easy. *sigh*
First I did the Pure Cardio, which, I struggle with every time. Last time I did this one, I pushed myself to get through the entire routine. So when I started it today, I already had high expectations. I think I struggled worse today then ever. My body just did not want to work with me. Everything just felt heavy. I did make it through the whole routine again, but I think I may have had more breaks, and it sure felt like I was moving in slow motion. I still got a good work out. My heart was pumping and I was sweating. It just didn't feel as good at the end this time.
Then, I took a small 10 minute break before going into the Cardio Abs routine. The warm up to this routine is crazy enough!! And I already felt pretty spent from the other workout. I pushed though and did as much of the warm up as I could. Then you get into a "C position" where you sit on the floor, knees slightly bent, and back leaned back slightly, so you look like you make a "C". You stay in this position though a number of different moves. Let me tell you, I could barely hold the position, let alone do the moves. I have absolutely no ab muscles at all. I knew this going into this routine, but didn't realize just how horribly weak I was. I only managed to get a handful of each move done.
After that, you get into high plank and low plank positions. I was able to do the high plank, kind of. If I wasn't already exhausted, I might have been able to push though better then I did. Now, low plank position, I am completely useless. I could barely hold the position, let alone lift my knee up to my side. *sigh*
So, today was another fail for me. It's pretty discouraging. Even though I expected it, it's still disappointing. I have so much work to do. One side of me keeps saying to just quit. It's going to take way more then what I am capable of to see any results. I am too far gone, and should just except things for the way they are. Another very small side of me says I have to keep going. I will never get any healthier sitting around doing nothing. I keep thinking about my kids. I want to be a part of their future, and in order for that to happen, I need to change my present.
Day 11 & 12. Slacking...
Yesterday was Day 11. It ended up being another one of those days that got away from me. I had an appointment in the morning that ended up lasting almost 2 hours. When I got home, we decided to go shopping. Which, took us right into getting home with all the kids being home, cooking dinner, blah blah blah. Before I knew it, it was after 8 o'clock, and time to try and get Parker to sleep. The whole day just seemed to slip right out of my hands. The only "exercise" I got in, besides walking around the mall, was walking from the mall over to Taco Bell. Haha!! I just HAD to try one of their new Doritos Locos Taco, or what ever the hell it's called. So, Elton and I decided, that we would walk over and back to make up for the insanely unhealthy lunch we were going to eat. That was the extent of my exercising for yesterday.
The routine for yesterday was supposed to be Cardio Recovery, which is done every Thursday. So, I decided I would do that plus today's workout all today.
I almost didn't get them in again today. I spent half the morning not feeling very well. I didn't actually get around and moving until almost 1 in the afternoon. Then, there were errands to run, and a quick trip to Walmart was needed, along with playing the lottery, of course! After all that, it was time to pick up Joseph from track practice, then more running around to be done. Then a trip up to the mall, which lasted a lot longer then necessary because Parker wanted to play! Long story short, it ended up being around 8:30 until I started working out.
I started with the Cardio Recovery. Good lord is that killer on my legs!! It is a nice break from the jumping and jumping and more jumping that is involved in all the Cardio workouts! But, it is still pretty killer on your legs. There are still some moves that I cannot even come close to doing the way Shaun T. does them, so I modify a little. (I do girly moves instead.) Like last time, I was almost positive I was going to pop a knee cap right out of my legs, but, I survived.
After that, I went right into the Cardio Power and Resistance routine. This ended up being super hard after all that leg work I just did with the other routine. Even the warm up was a struggle!
I decided to do this one a little different this time. I have only made it through the first half of the work out so far, so I decided to do it a little backwards this time. I did the warm up and the stretching, then skipped to the second half. It was a lot of arm work. A lot of things I was only able to do maybe one or two of. But, I tried! It's hard for me to get into some of those positions with my thunder thighs!
So, I managed to power though the second half of the video, then went back to go through the first half. Well, I only managed to get through one round. (You do a series of different moves for a set amount of time, then break, and do the same moves again, only faster. You do this 3 times.) Yeah, there was no way I was able to get though the other 2 rounds. My legs at this point were nonexistent! I hated not finishing. But, I do have some faith in myself to finish next time around. I think I will work it the same way. Second half first, first half second.
On the bright side, according to my old scale (and by old, I am talking like, OLD. It was my Gram's old scale, and I can't imagine when it was bought) and my new scale (bought today!) I have lost 10 pounds. I do not feel/see it! When I weighed myself on the old scale, I assumed the damn thing couldn't possibly be right. It had to off by 5 pounds or more. But, when I weighed myself on the new one, it ended up being the same! So... go me!
By the way...... I did not hit the lotto...... but if you did..... can ya help a sister out? :))
March 28, 2012
Day 9 & 10. The bad and the better.
Yesterday was Day 9. Spent most of the morning laying down, in and out of sleep, again. I am friggin exhausted lately. Went out to eat with Elton and Parker. Chinese. Mmm. But, I held back and didn't go ape shit eating to the point of needing to loosen my pants. I know Chinese food is probably not the best idea for someone that is trying to lose weight. But, I ate less then I usually would, so I felt ok about it. Haha.
Yesterday was also the Pure Cardio routine. Oh my goodness, that routine kills!! I felt like I took more breaks then I did the first time around. Again, been feeling sluggish lately. But, I did power through the entire routine. It is a 20 minute straight, ball breaker of a workout. I would make it about 5 minutes, then break. Then another 5, then break. I felt like I was defeating the purpose of the workout by stopping, but at the same time, doing any of this is better then not doing anything at all. I hope by the end of this month I can at least come close.
That was all I did yesterday. Nothing on the Eliptical. I did go outside and shoot some basketball with Joseph for about an hour. Beat him at the first game of HORSE. Then we played some other game, not sure what it is called or anything, but you play to 21 points, and I beat him at that one. So, the last game of HORSE we played was a winner takes all game, and well, he beat me. (I guess he was letting his old mom win all along.) But it was nice to get outside and hang out with him, even if it was a little less intense then he is used to playing. Haha.
Today is Day 10. Today started out kind of slow. It really takes me a while to get moving in the morning! It's frustrating and I feel completely lazy and useless. But by this afternoon, I was on the move!!!
Today was Plyometric Cardio Circuit again. 45 minutes. The last 2 times, I only made it about half way through. This time I was determined to get beyond that. Even if it meant only doing one or two of the moves, I was pushing through and doing it.
I tend to break this one down in to two halves. The first half is all up on your feet, while the second half is a lot of arm work on the floor. I have only gotten to the point of "thinking" about starting the second half, but never actually push on to do so. Until today.
Like I said, even if I were only to be able to do one or two of the moves, I was at least going to try. And, you know what, I really surprised myself. I still have no upper body strength, so push ups are quite a task for me. But, I tried. I went at my own pace, and I did what I could in the minute or how ever long each move was. I was able to so some "ski push up things" (I can't think of what they are called, but you get into a push up position, with you feet together, and bring your feet up to one side, then back, then the other side, then back.) I really surprised myself with that one. I was beat red and dripping sweat and could barely breath, but I did as many as I could!
The end of the routine is a lot of arm work while standing. Shadow boxing, basically, but really fast paced. I powered though that entire ending! I was so incredibly proud of myself. It was certainly a strange, but wonderful feeling. I did it! Not like the bitches in the video do it, but I did it. I tried my best, pushed though as hard as I could, and I made it to the end. Go me!!
I also did a little arm work with the Eliptical. Man, that was a workout in itself! I only managed to get 6 minutes in before my arms turned into giant spaghetti! But, hey, it was more then not working them at all!
Before the sun went down, I also managed to get in a 2 mile walk. Took me about 40 minutes, which, is insanely slow, even though I felt like I was booking it around town! But, it was still something.
Today was a pretty good day. Let's hope I can move tomorrow!
Yesterday was also the Pure Cardio routine. Oh my goodness, that routine kills!! I felt like I took more breaks then I did the first time around. Again, been feeling sluggish lately. But, I did power through the entire routine. It is a 20 minute straight, ball breaker of a workout. I would make it about 5 minutes, then break. Then another 5, then break. I felt like I was defeating the purpose of the workout by stopping, but at the same time, doing any of this is better then not doing anything at all. I hope by the end of this month I can at least come close.
That was all I did yesterday. Nothing on the Eliptical. I did go outside and shoot some basketball with Joseph for about an hour. Beat him at the first game of HORSE. Then we played some other game, not sure what it is called or anything, but you play to 21 points, and I beat him at that one. So, the last game of HORSE we played was a winner takes all game, and well, he beat me. (I guess he was letting his old mom win all along.) But it was nice to get outside and hang out with him, even if it was a little less intense then he is used to playing. Haha.
Today is Day 10. Today started out kind of slow. It really takes me a while to get moving in the morning! It's frustrating and I feel completely lazy and useless. But by this afternoon, I was on the move!!!
Today was Plyometric Cardio Circuit again. 45 minutes. The last 2 times, I only made it about half way through. This time I was determined to get beyond that. Even if it meant only doing one or two of the moves, I was pushing through and doing it.
I tend to break this one down in to two halves. The first half is all up on your feet, while the second half is a lot of arm work on the floor. I have only gotten to the point of "thinking" about starting the second half, but never actually push on to do so. Until today.
Like I said, even if I were only to be able to do one or two of the moves, I was at least going to try. And, you know what, I really surprised myself. I still have no upper body strength, so push ups are quite a task for me. But, I tried. I went at my own pace, and I did what I could in the minute or how ever long each move was. I was able to so some "ski push up things" (I can't think of what they are called, but you get into a push up position, with you feet together, and bring your feet up to one side, then back, then the other side, then back.) I really surprised myself with that one. I was beat red and dripping sweat and could barely breath, but I did as many as I could!
The end of the routine is a lot of arm work while standing. Shadow boxing, basically, but really fast paced. I powered though that entire ending! I was so incredibly proud of myself. It was certainly a strange, but wonderful feeling. I did it! Not like the bitches in the video do it, but I did it. I tried my best, pushed though as hard as I could, and I made it to the end. Go me!!
I also did a little arm work with the Eliptical. Man, that was a workout in itself! I only managed to get 6 minutes in before my arms turned into giant spaghetti! But, hey, it was more then not working them at all!
Before the sun went down, I also managed to get in a 2 mile walk. Took me about 40 minutes, which, is insanely slow, even though I felt like I was booking it around town! But, it was still something.
Today was a pretty good day. Let's hope I can move tomorrow!
March 26, 2012
Day 8. Isn't it great!
The answer to that is no. No it is not. But it made for a nice rhyme! Today was Cardio Power and Resistance. Man, did I struggle. Everything just felt heavy today. My legs didn't want to move. My lungs didn't want to function properly. Just a crap day.
I made it as far as I did last time. Only this time, I actually needed more breaks in between to catch my breath. I get so worked up and nervous about having an asthma attack, that as soon as I feel a little tight, I have to stop.
Today was really just a shitty day. I slept most of the morning into the afternoon. Did the workout around 2:30ish, and just gave up. I didn't get on the Elipical or walk or anything else today.
You would think getting healthy for my kids, and getting to a place of being comfortable in my own skin would be enough motivation to really want to work hard at this. And, believe me, a HUGE part of me believes it is. But that's the same part that has always made these big plans and never stuck anything out. All it ever turns out to be is plans. I get tired, and frustrated, and don't see any results fast enough, and throw the towel in. I KNOW the amount of time and commitment it actually takes to reach any goals, but sometimes even thinking about that aspect of it exhausts me. Like, I just can't wrap my mind around doing this every single day. But, at the same time, I dream of having the energy and capability to run around outside all day with the kids, and not just watch from the porch.
I keep saying tomorrow is another day. But I need to starting thinking about TODAY! Today is the first day of the rest of my life. And I need to repeat that over and over every day I am alive.
I made it as far as I did last time. Only this time, I actually needed more breaks in between to catch my breath. I get so worked up and nervous about having an asthma attack, that as soon as I feel a little tight, I have to stop.
Today was really just a shitty day. I slept most of the morning into the afternoon. Did the workout around 2:30ish, and just gave up. I didn't get on the Elipical or walk or anything else today.
You would think getting healthy for my kids, and getting to a place of being comfortable in my own skin would be enough motivation to really want to work hard at this. And, believe me, a HUGE part of me believes it is. But that's the same part that has always made these big plans and never stuck anything out. All it ever turns out to be is plans. I get tired, and frustrated, and don't see any results fast enough, and throw the towel in. I KNOW the amount of time and commitment it actually takes to reach any goals, but sometimes even thinking about that aspect of it exhausts me. Like, I just can't wrap my mind around doing this every single day. But, at the same time, I dream of having the energy and capability to run around outside all day with the kids, and not just watch from the porch.
I keep saying tomorrow is another day. But I need to starting thinking about TODAY! Today is the first day of the rest of my life. And I need to repeat that over and over every day I am alive.
March 25, 2012
Day 7. One whole week in.
Well, I made it one whole week without giving up. That's pretty impressive right there! Today was Day 7. And, being a Sunday, it should have been my "resting" day. But, I seem to be doing things all out of whack in this first week. Today I did what should have been yesterday's workout, which was the Plyometric Cardio Circuit, same as Day 2. Like I said, I was anxious to see if I was going to be able to go any further into the routine then I did the first time around.
It was really just an off day. I feel like I am slowly going down the road to failure. It seems like such an easy thing to do... eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, blah blah blah. But, when you have lived such an inactive life for the last 4 years like I have, it really takes some discipline and motivation to get into this stuff. I am trying. I just feel like I am not doing enough.
It was kind of late in the day until I got to do the workout. (I took Hannah to a Vera Bradley bingo, and won NOTHING! Haha.) So, it was later in the day, and I had just eaten not long before starting. I really struggled though the workout. It was hard to breath. Hard to keep up. Hard to really get into it. As much as I think I want to do this, today just felt like a chore.
I did make it a little more then 5 minutes more into the routine then last time. I did, however, have a break or two in the middle where I paused it to catch my breath. Once I did, I wanted to get right back into it, only to have to break another 5 minutes in. *sigh*
So, Plyometric Cardio Circuit, you won again. I was actually thinking maybe I will try it again tomorrow in the morning time. See if I can do a little better earlier in the day.
I also did some time on the Eliptical, but even that wasn't as great as it should have been. Only 10 minutes, and I struggled through that as well. Ugh!! (It's so hard not to get discouraged.) Tomorrow is another day.
Day 6. Well......
Today is Day 6. The workout routines were supposed to start the cycle over again with Plyometric Cardio Circuit. I was really looking forward to seeing how much more (if any) I would improve from the first time around. Well....
Today was also the St. Patrick's Day parade in Girardville. Elton rounded up all but one kid (Parker) and headed out to his friend Brian's house to watch the parade, eat, spend lots of money on lots of useless toys, and have fun. Once they all left, I straightened up the living room, dusted and vacuumed, etc. etc. Then, jumped in the shower. Then, I got some company!!
There is this boy and girl that I was so excited to meet for the first time. They are the sweetest 3 month old twins!! They spent the day at my house so their mommy and daddy can have a little break and enjoy themselves for a little while. (Not that they don't enjoy themselves with the babies.... shoot. That is worded way wrong.) Anyway, the babies hung out at my house for the day.
It was so nice having babies around again. Parker always seems so tiny to me, but today he really seemed like such a big boy. He had his moments of jealousy, but not too bad. He even showed the babies off to my dad. (Went next door, and brought him over just to show him the babies.) And once all the older kids got home, they all kind of flocked to the babies, and just stared at them. Parker is only 3 (well, almost 4) but to those guys, 4 years a long time ago. So, they didn't really remember Parker being a baby! Alex even made a comment about always wanting a baby around...... to which, I had to remind him that we DID. Haha! But, like I said, that must seem like such a long time ago to them.
The babies stayed here with us until about 11 this evening. I gotta tell ya, as much as I miss having babies, it was pretty nice to be able to give these guys back at the end of the day. I really enjoyed having them here. They had that new baby smell to them!! Feeding and changing and holding them, and watching them fade in and out of sleep, and trying to look around... it was really really nice, and I very much enjoyed it. But, I guess you don't mind all the work you have to put into a baby, when you know it's only for a certain set amount of time. Hehe. :))
So, thank you for the wonderful visit today!! Unfortunately, there was absolutely NO time to get this work out in. Again, I know that sounds like an excuse. But, the day just got away from me again today. So now, tomorrow, I will do today's workout. Sunday's are supposed to be a "rest" day, so I will just count that as today instead. This will then put me in a 7 day stretch, but, I am up to the challenge. Hopefully, I don't find any more distractions to keep me from it.
Today was also the St. Patrick's Day parade in Girardville. Elton rounded up all but one kid (Parker) and headed out to his friend Brian's house to watch the parade, eat, spend lots of money on lots of useless toys, and have fun. Once they all left, I straightened up the living room, dusted and vacuumed, etc. etc. Then, jumped in the shower. Then, I got some company!!
There is this boy and girl that I was so excited to meet for the first time. They are the sweetest 3 month old twins!! They spent the day at my house so their mommy and daddy can have a little break and enjoy themselves for a little while. (Not that they don't enjoy themselves with the babies.... shoot. That is worded way wrong.) Anyway, the babies hung out at my house for the day.
It was so nice having babies around again. Parker always seems so tiny to me, but today he really seemed like such a big boy. He had his moments of jealousy, but not too bad. He even showed the babies off to my dad. (Went next door, and brought him over just to show him the babies.) And once all the older kids got home, they all kind of flocked to the babies, and just stared at them. Parker is only 3 (well, almost 4) but to those guys, 4 years a long time ago. So, they didn't really remember Parker being a baby! Alex even made a comment about always wanting a baby around...... to which, I had to remind him that we DID. Haha! But, like I said, that must seem like such a long time ago to them.
The babies stayed here with us until about 11 this evening. I gotta tell ya, as much as I miss having babies, it was pretty nice to be able to give these guys back at the end of the day. I really enjoyed having them here. They had that new baby smell to them!! Feeding and changing and holding them, and watching them fade in and out of sleep, and trying to look around... it was really really nice, and I very much enjoyed it. But, I guess you don't mind all the work you have to put into a baby, when you know it's only for a certain set amount of time. Hehe. :))
So, thank you for the wonderful visit today!! Unfortunately, there was absolutely NO time to get this work out in. Again, I know that sounds like an excuse. But, the day just got away from me again today. So now, tomorrow, I will do today's workout. Sunday's are supposed to be a "rest" day, so I will just count that as today instead. This will then put me in a 7 day stretch, but, I am up to the challenge. Hopefully, I don't find any more distractions to keep me from it.
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